Last couple of days I am feeling overwhelmed about all things happening in the world A feeling of loneliness is taking part of me. What direction do we need to go. Facing all problems friction in society. Losing my self confidence. Xmas is not how I feel, feeling sad and empty.
Not feeling like I want to be with family and friends. I want be alone somewhere deep down in a dark corner, quite so I do not need to speak , do not want to take part in Christmas.
Staring into no men’s land, a big wall without colours.
The people in the street of who I was writing about is also about me.
The laugh isn’t there so much , it feels heavy.
“Everything is going well” that is what I say, working hard so I don’t have to look closely at myself, do not take steps back, but keep going in instead.
I feel cold even though I am sitting near the fireplace…. The fire inside myself is low, exhausted. But to write it down on paper gives me a relief of the gravity I am feeling.
Feeling vulnerable, writing it down. It is 3 am, darkness around me, listening to the noise of my stomach. Conscious of the world around me
It is not the world I want to be in. Taking part in its future?
I do not know how sometimes. Can’t get my mind around it, overwhelmed by gravity.
Choices in life, choices who you want be, choices were to go to.
It is not about choices of possession, getting rich or going on holiday.
It is about that future that develops in front of my eyes.
Is it about our social security, is it about the collapse of our health system, it is about freedom of speech, it is about who we want to be in this new era of digital revolution. Are we nothing more than a QR code?
What about us? What about life ? What about life on our earth?
Faith in myself. It is hard to find now but eventually, it will come back.
A cold winter shiver gets me.
A glimps of the moonlight gets into the room. Light that will make me feel better again.
The sun, the moon, they are there to give us warmth and light, they are giving us direction now and in the future.
It is not about rules and politicians who want to take over society with vaccines and lockdowns
It is about us, who do we want to be?
A question to big to answer… life is hard sometimes. And in those moments of vulnerability I will get back my courage. I promise…
Life will go on, with compassion, for me and all others.
And it is an ode to Chester Beddington’s song – One more light – Linkin Park.
It is my favourite song, the last couple of months, it is a story of his life, it is the song which makes me melancholic but also combatant.
It is about taking care of each other. It is about that “extra chair” that will always be there for someone in need, it is about taking time to listen to yourself and every other human being.
The future is our drawing.
The earth will be beautiful if we take time to listen more careful to ourselves and the nature around us.
Listen to this amazing song. If you want to read more? The story of his life is on the internet.
It is not my story, but I felt like sharing.
Why in english? Because it was in my head and I couldn’t resist.